Cherry Binggeure

I haven’t written a fan fiction in almost a decade but this happened.  Reply 1994 fan fiction shorty.  All the age disclaimers apply, you’ve probable seen worse in a music video.  Sexually charged versus total smut?

We sit in the movie theater.  Sunbaenim leans against me as usual, his head resting on my shoulder.   The movie is a comedy, but not an over the top slapstick comedy.  I stare at the screen and pretend to watch.  Sunbaenim, he shifts in his seat as he chuckles, draping his wrist across mine.   His breath brushes against my neck.  He smells of cherries, and the cologne.  The cherries were a snack before the movie, a gift for the boarding house, sent by my Aunt.  The cologne, I told him that I had tried it and that it did not suit me, and would he like to have it?  I lied.  I bought it for him.  It was a mistake.   It blends with his natural scent perfectly, making close proximity with him even more painful.  Sunbaenim treats me as his dongsaeng, but more like his pet.  He calls me puppy and chucks me under the chin, and scolds me for not calling him hyung.  By keeping to the formal “Sunbaenim,” I maintain some semblance of distance.  Sometimes it is all that I can do to save myself.

Sunbaenim is often crude.  Why do I still like him?  He farts in public, not just around the men.  He will eat food that should be in the rubbish bin.  His car smells of mildew and dirty socks.  He does not understand personal boundaries.  He joins any of us male boarders in the shower if he wants to shower.  He will use the toilet in front of us, while we are showering or brushing our teeth.  It is mortifying.  I have taken to showering at campus for my own privacy, and to avoid being in the shower with a naked Sunbaenim.  It is more than I can bear.  He has an excellent body. I have seen the total package, and it is beautiful.

Sunbaenim for all the bad manners is also unfailingly supportive and kind, and will do the strangest things.  He once drove to class and brought me the socks I had dropped on the steps of the boarding house.

I have accepted that he touches me at will, that he thinks of me as his younger brother, and does not understand what his touch does to me. I have becomes somewhat comfortable with it.  Sometime I want to lean in as a cat will do,  when he pets my hair, but I resist the urge.  He sighs as the scene in the movie changes, and shifts his feet.  The movie is not particularly amusing and he is losing interest.  He rubs his thumb absentmindedly over my wrist bone.  My heart goes padam, padam, padam.  I have tried to avoid him.  However, I cannot, and find myself asking him to go to the movies with me ever few weeks or so.  He always says yes.

Sunbaenim has recently begun dating the daughter of the boarding house.  She is like his younger sister.   She is my friend.  He is my friend.  I have tried meeting someone, tried to get past a one sided crush.   I have managed a few discreet dates.  They were failures.  The first reeked of fish.  He did not bath after working all day at his parents market.   The second was someone I met at a club.  We went to the movies. He put his hand in my crotch the minute the movie started.  I removed it and simply walked out.  The third I discovered was still in high school halfway through the date. Halfway through making out in his parents car.

Sunbaenim stood, grabbing my hand, tugging. He whispered to follow him.  Some people booed and hissed at us.  Sunbaenim ducked out of the emergency exit to avoid walking in front of anyone else.

“I am sorry, my puppy.  That movie was boring.  What to do?”  Sunbaenim smiled his silly, charming smile, in the streetlamp light.  We were in a small alley beside the theater and the building next it.

Sunbaenim slouched against the wall.  “Want to eat noodles? “

I shrugged.  He made a tsking noise, and suddenly threw an arm over my shoulder, hugging me close. “Silly puppy, where is that bright face you usually wear?  Tell hyung what you want to do!  My treat, for ruining the movie.”

I shrugged loose from his embrace.  He did not know what he did to me, and I was suddenly angry.   I decided to do something that I said I would never do.

“Hyuuuuung.”  I whined.   I shuffled my feet and hung my head and snuggled up to his chest, batting my eyes up at him.

He looked surprised for a moment, and then laughed.  “This punk. You now decide to call me hyung and act like a proper dongsaeng?  Ha!  Only once will I allow this blackmail. Only because you are very cute.”

While he spoke, I had wrapped my arms around his waist.  I snuggled in closer and rested my jaw along his.  Our lips were side by side.  It was so tempting.  I stayed still and said nothing.

“What’s this, little puppy?”  Sunbaenim rubbed a palm against the middle of my back in comfort.

I pulled back and moved my face in front of his, my mouth open slightly.  I breathed against his lips.  I could not believe my bold behavior.

He whispered, “What’s this, Binggeure?”   He used my nickname.  His breath slipped between my parted lips.

“I want you to kiss me.” I said softly.

I said it.  Did I really say it?

He froze, and time stood still.  I thought that only happened in the movies.  I shifted and pressed my mouth softly to his.  He did not move.   I teased his top lip with the tip of my tongue, once, twice.  And then I pulled away, knowing that I had now ruined everything.

I hung my head.  “I know you are dating Na Jeong. I know you like girls. I am sorry.  I needed to confess.  I just did not know how.  You do not have to say anything.   We can pretend nothing ever happened.  Pretend I do not exist.”

He put his hand on my shoulder and sighed, and then chucked his forefinger under my chin, lifting my head.

His eyes were dark and serious.  “Hyung tormented you?”

I shuffled my feet.  “It’s okay.”

The next thing I knew, I was against the wall, and Sunbaenim was kissing me.  He held my head with one hand, tilting it up for better access to my mouth.   He had pushed me against the wall with a hand on my hip, and he now slid his hand over my bottom and pressed me into him. I was shocked, exhilarated, and frightened all at once.   My heart was on fire.  I grabbed onto him tilting my head and opening my mouth, kissing him back with abandon.  His tongue slid over mine, the scent and taste of cherries adding to the delight of the experience.  This was not sweet, or tender, a first gentle exploration.  He seemed, hungry?   I know that I was hungry,  frantic for him.  I could not get enough; it was never going to be enough.  I bit his lip and he shivered, he even made a small noise.

Suddenly, he backed away, gasping, staring at me with big eyes.  I was glad the wall was there for support.  I was bereft, cold, alone.  I wanted his heat.  His lips appeared swollen, plump.  Ripe from my kisses.

Mine.  I thought.  Mine.  I felt so greedy.

His eyes were dark, solemn, and he walked deliberately over to me and ran his hand over my jeans, over my erect penis.   I closed my eyes, reveling at the touch.   Sunbaenim swore, and then he started walking briskly away toward the main street. Tears welled in my eyes, but I was not shocked.  What was more shocking was that he was shaken by me for that one moment.    But then,  he swore again, at himself and turned back, marching swiftly toward me, his face fierce.  He grabbed my hand and turned for the street.

“Follow me, my Binggeure. “

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