Bitter Shade

Bitter Shade

07/07/17 by RandomSoju

Copyright blah blah, a Ice Fantasy Destiny Fan fictiony vignette with Shi and Yan Da.  Don’t sue me because I’m poor.  Don’t steal my shit because I’m vindictive. Rated G unfortunately. Shi wouldn’t take off his pants on the page.  I don’t know what they might be doing between the pages….

 

Yan Da rocked back on her heels, crossing her arms, as Kong Shi tried to penetrate the mystical barrier that trapped him in the apartment with her. Dressed in unrelieved black, as he usually did in this world, in this time, he focused intently on his task.

Shi came to her occasionally across the centuries,  as Ka Suo and Li Luo found each other in their current lives. He came with the same plea each time, for her to cease trying to keep him alive by tearing his brother and Li Luo apart. No matter where she was, he found her. Of course, she allowed that to happen. The routine had become tiresome. Everything was tiresome. In this apartment she had invoked old magic with the help of a particular earth mystic of this world. The mystic channeled Yan Da’s fire tribe strength into this world’s magic to create a barrier to trap Shi with her. For a while, forcing him to face her for more than a few minutes. Nevertheless, it would ultimately be another stalemate as they were equally committed to their agendas.

Yan Da looked beyond the veil of this world at the barrier, it took the form of a Daimyo oak tree, sheltering, entwining its lush, densely leaved branches around the dimension of the apartment.

She glared at his profile as he concentrated on breaking the barrier. “I should have seduced you when I pulled you from that lake.”

“You did try.” The corner of his lips lifted oh so slightly.

Yan Da scoffed, “I flirted with trying. If I tried, we would not be here. “She sighed. “ I have endlessly waited for you.”

“Momentary lust is not everlasting,  not important. If you did not hate my brother we would not be here.” Shi spoke in his usual dispassionate manner.

Yan Da laughed, “You can only say that because you have never had sex with me. I do not hate your brother. I do sometimes hate myself for my irrational love for you. Regardless, I will gladly make him miserable over and over to keep you alive.”

He turned his head to meet her gaze briefly. “Let me go, it will end eventually, and I will die. Let us all have some peace sooner than later.”

“Do you even care? Nothing I ever do is good enough for you.” Yan Da caught herself, annoyed with the edge of a whine in her voice.

Shi went back to studying the ceiling and wall in his analytical approach to everything, as he simultaneously gave equal attention to the barrier and his conversation with her. “Do you ever wonder why I do not end you for the suffering you lay upon my brother, lifetime after lifetime? I pulled your soul back to this life. Do I regret it? I do not know.”

“Because you love me but you will not admit it. I know you avoid the fight between us, you hold onto that guilt, that I died in your arms once before.” Yan Da sighed.

Shi closed his eyes briefly. “Yes, I regret your sacrifice. But just as you chose not to seduce an innocent when you pulled me from the lake, like you, I wait. I wait for you to choose to let me go.”

Yan Da stomped her foot. “Never. I will die first, and I have so you know that is how this ends for me. I also choose to wait for you.”

“And we are back to where we started, I this endless loop of suffering. Aren’t you tired of suffering, I am tired of watching you suffer, my brother suffer, let me go, and find some peace.”  It was his turn to sigh.

Yan Da felt her temper rise, and he glanced at her before she even spoke as he felt the flare up, the first time his attention has fully broke from the problem of the barrier. Yan Da pressed ahead. “Do you not tire of banking your lust for me, are you not tired of pretending you do not care, tired of being alone, when we only thrive when we are together? You are only alive when you are with me, don’t you realize that? Love me, Kong Shi, choose me. Your heart beats a little hotter, your blood stirs, you feel, rather than analyze how to fix things for your precious brother. You live.  And you ground me, temper me, make me think rather than react, by the gods that sired us, we fit, by the gods, choose yourself. You deserve to live as much as your brother does.”

Shi stared at her, and she saw fear flicker through his gaze.

Yan Da let her voice drop, “You are afraid it will consume you? Passion, joy, feeling something besides misery and regret, you do not think you deserve to feel good about anything, that is why you fight emotion.”

He seemed to gather himself and turned his back on her, concentrating on the barrier. The oak’s magic was nearly spent.

Suddenly weary of her battle, and eternally angry with him, Yan Da snarled, “Run away then, once you crack the barrier, as you always do, perpetually the scared little boy that clings to his big brother.”

Kong Shi turned suddenly, eyes fierce, and strode toward her, grasping her bicep. “Should we rut here then, this is what you want, yes? Why you created this trap for me? Do you want to bring a child into this endless loop of suffering, really, Yan Da, really?”

Yan Da was equally as angry, but fell back on her jaded, cynical approach to life. “Shi, grow up, this world is wonderful. I have condoms in every color. Of course I do not want a child; it would likely die inside me, if my fate repeats.”

Tears filled his eyes, and he turned his head, letting his hand drop to his side. Her arm throbbed. Not in pain, but from the loss of his touch. Yan Da’s heart wrenched at the tears in his eyes.

“Don’t you understand, Shi, I can’t live without you in the world. If you die, I die anyway.” Yan Da turned her back to Shi, unconsciously conceding defeat. “Do you know who I hate? Lu Luo. She never remembers her past life. You suffer, I suffer, Ka Suo suffers, and she lives and loves until she dies in each life.”

Yan Da, usually equal parts stoic, cynical, and fiery, broke, weeping openly, helplessly, hopelessly, for the first time ever in front of Shi.   Yan Da knew Shi would run now. He could never handle emotional maelstroms, his or others.

To her surprise, Shi wrapped his arms around her, and she instinctively leaned back in his embrace.

“Would you choose that oblivion?” Shi whispered, his breath caressing her ear.

“No. I envy it sometimes, but no. I would not trade it, even if I only was allowed one moment of you whether a glimpse of you, the sound of your voice, your scent. Never.”

Turning in his arms, Yan Da wrapped her arms around him, nestling her face in the crook of his neck, and breathed deeply of the ice flame essence that was Shi.

He accepted her, cradling her in his arms. She knew it was a brief respite; he would withdraw soon, back into his self-imposed banishment.

“The barrier is down. You can leave now.” Yan Da offered hopelessly, as her lips brushed his neck. She tasted the salt of his skin.

“I know.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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