Funny Real Life Quotes

True Stories:  Real Quotes From Real People I Know

FB Status Update Message: “Go to your profile. The first 5 friends in the sidebar are your team in the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. How screwed are you?”

My Friend KC’s  Comment:  “I’ve got Mar (me) and my Mom in mine…I’m good!” 


Tiffany: Sometimes that professor has a smart mouth and I don’t like it.

Me: Oh, she’s a total bitch.

Tiffany: Yeah, and so are you. She found that out tonight.


Jenna and Tiffany and me while watching Boys Over Flowers:

Jenna: Il Jung and Woo Bin are Pinky and the Brain.

Tiffany:  I know, right.  But which one is Pinky and which one is the Brain.

Me:  Woo Bin is Pinky.

Tiffany:  How do you know?

Me:  Because he’s the one who does stuff.  Il Jung just hangs out at the pottery, aka, the lab.

Tiffany, to Jenna:  People used to call us Pinky and the Brain.  I’m the Brain.

Jenna-rolls eyes:  No, you are Pinky.

Tiffany:  NO!

Jenna:  You SO are Pinky!  You narf better!


“I wish I had a boy that would brush and play with my hair and then go away when I didn’t need him.” -Jenna

“Life was simpler when our clothes didn’t have to match and boys had cooties.”-Betty Anne

“If I look like I feel weird, it’s because I do!”-Betty Anne


“…And Tricia said, “Joy!  Where are the rest of your clothes? (being snarky about Joy’s clothes)”  and I wanted to say, “At your boyfriends house!”  -Joy

Tina-“Bad girls get diamond and furs.  Good girls get appliances.”

Me-“Um I’ve not received either, what does that make me?

Tina-“Honey, you are standing in the middle of the road.  Make a choice.”


Me: “Cara says I say mean things that I do not really mean.”
Jenna: (chuckles) “No, you, and I, just say mean things. Why would she think you do not say what you mean?!”

“Women that have hysterectomies are sport models (cars); built for fun, not utility!”-John


Cara makes up words which I have adopted into my vocabulary:






“Naked! We need more naked!” -Trina from one of her Tommy Dreamer stories

And my dear mother(about me) “There is nothing wrong with your legs, you always had pretty legs, except they were too skinny.  Can’t say that about them now.”


“I am just teasing you.  When I mean it, when its for real, there will be no bullshit resistance.”-Hunkabuddha  Okay, this ones not funny.  But it was totally hot when he said it to me.


“And I said, You kill people for a living!  You can clean up dog shit!” -Joy to her armed services sig other


Me- “How’s life?”

McCarthy- (Sigh) “Too long.”


While Watching Boys Over Flowers:

Me-Woo Bin is wearing gloves.

Jenna-Woo Bin ALWAYS wears gloves.  He is not leaving his fingerprints ANYWHERE.  He probably does it wearing gloves.


(While driving, see young girls waiting to cross road)

Jenna: That girl is too young to be smoking, she looks like she’s 12 yrs old, and dressed like a skank. I can say I never did that!”
Me: “You never dressed like a skank and smoked?”
Jenna: “No, I did that. But I didn’t do it when I was 12!”


Me: “Is is bad to be disappointed if I don’t get at least a 95 on a test or a paper?”
Jenna: “Freaking over achiever.”


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